It’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.
Lewis Carroll – Alice In Wonderland
I never really understood why Alice In Wonderland was my favourite book but as I sat gazing at 2017 as a single woman and how I had spent my final evening of 2016 I began to really understand my affinity with Alice.
Alice faced the potential of a life that she could not imagine. She fell down the hole whilst desperately trying to escape that life. Her ‘adventures’ down the rabbit hole showed her that what she was trying to escape was not actually as bad as what it would be like if she continued to exist in Wonderland. For me, Wonderland was a creation of madness, a world where mental health controlled everyone’s movements and words. Where everyone competed to be crazier than the next. There was never an answer, and Alice learnt that by embracing the madness things only got crazier and she never really found the answers she craved.
During her time in Wonderland she met many of her own facets. The caterpillar represented her unanswered questions that swirled around her head, getting more cryptic the more she fought to seek her answers. The Mad Hatter is pretty self explanatory- her mania was embodied in that character. He was enticing, he offered intrigue but ultimately sent her in circles.
Her ultimate fear was the Jabberwocky. This character embodied all her fears, anxieties and concerns about life. However, when she faced the Jabberwacky she realised that the thought of those fears and concerns were more scary than the creature itsself. She battles the creature and succeeds. She fights her way back to the light and escapes Wonderland. Her reality hasn’t changed but she has.
The transition of the past 7 months has seen me battle similar characters. I’ve faced my Mad Hatter, my caterpillar, and I occasionally cuddle with my Cheshire Cat. I’m under no illusion that my Jabberwacky is yet to be defeated. I know I’m still down that rabbit hole and I know it will be a while until the creature becomes much smaller than the thought of it.
Until then I shall continue to ponder my Wonderland.
Why is a raven like a writing desk?