‘Happy 6 crazy months, my love’ ~
I’m six months in. Six crazy months of this new ‘normal’. And it is, normal. Life has completely shifted sideways, but it’s slowly finding its centre of gravity again and I’m beginning to realise that I am that centre of gravity.
That is not me giving myself a sense of grandeur. Far from it. Instead I have slowly come to realise that until I am grounded and happy with me as a person I will never be happy with life in general. For so many years I have looked to see what other people think of me and put my self worth in their hands. Now I realise the value of my self worth is in my hands, and my hands alone.
I have four minions that look to me to be their grounding force, their centre of gravity. Their lives are changing all around them and they cannot stop it. They look to me to stop it for them, put a guiding arm around them and tell them that it really is going to be ok.
I’m slowly beginning to enjoy life. I’m learning what I am capable of. I make phone calls, shift heavy items whilst swearing and take a step back so that I can ‘see the bigger picture’. I’ve gone crazy, rebelled a little, but now I’m finding myself and realising I am not a bad person. I’m realising that I am expending far too much energy on negative areas of life, that ultimately I cannot change therefore it is completely wasted energy.
Everyday I take time to look at what I really have. And I’m grateful. I thank the universe for what I have – a home, a family who loves me, awesome friends and four children who genuinely make me smile every single day. I have food, clothes and I have love, from others and more importantly, from myself. I do not need to be validated by a relationship, unless that relationship is with myself.
Bring on 2017 – I’ve survived 100% of my worse days……imagine what I can do on my best days!!