Singledom – isolated bliss

‘My boyfriend is so handsome, looking all invisible and shit’ ~ Unknown 

So I’ve been single a little while now and I had become obsessed with not being single. I’d convinced myself that my value was based purely on whether I had someone who loved me or not. This has led to a number of situations that, quite frankly, are best left not discussed! 

During my time in Singledom, I’ve had a constant little flea in my ear, in the shape of a good friend, reminding me of all the reasons being single is the best way to be. I’ve regularly ignored his incessant chirping, because he was wrong, wasn’t he?! Turns out he isn’t and that pisses me off, admitting I’m wrong. He likes to send me quotes on all the reasons I’m wrong about various subjects, but his most recent one struck a chord ~ 15 reasons being single is ace. As a good teacher I decided to evaluate the relevant points and relate it to my life in this new country: 

1. You can flirt with anyone

Ok, so I’ve always been a flirt, usually with those I know, but now I can flirt with strangers and not feel guilty. Flirting can seriously boost your self esteem, even if it is short lived and who doesn’t need their ego stroking every now and then?! 

2. Going out has endless possibilities

This – this is the BEST reason for singledom. When I don’t have my 4 little humans I can go and be whatever I want! As a wife I NEVER did that because I had Mummy guilt. Now, I know it’s Daddy time and I am officially off the clock – I’ve been out on a Sunday, got drunk on a school night and even been to (one) a fitness class. 

3. I don’t have to answer to anybody

Amen to this! I don’t have to tell ANYBODY where I am going, what time I’ll be home, what I drank, how much I spent – nobody! The only person I have answered to since I was single is my Mum, who told me I was drinking too much, promptly followed by my dad who told me if I wasn’t drinking every day I wasn’t drinking enough! 

4. It is MY bed

Now, in theory, as a mother of four, this is NEVER true, but it is my bed! I have pink duvets, blankets, cushions and I star fish like an absolute pro! 

5. I have stronger friendships

I’ve seen more of my true friends since being single than I did in 8 years of marriage. I no longer have moaning sessions when I do see them, there’s no dramatic scenarios to discuss. Instead they want to know about the latest online dating disaster or want to do some swiping on my behalf! Things are light hearted and that’s how friendships should be. 

6. I have time to work on myself

The times I am no longer Mummy for the night I can be Kelly. I haven’t been Kelly for years and it’s a hat that, at first, I wasn’t comfortable putting on. I didn’t think it suited me anymore. Now I’m a little way down the road, I realise that my Kelly hat is the comfiest hat I own. I’m beginning to find out who I am again, the ‘life and soul of the party’

7. I know I haven’t ‘settled’ 

My marriage was, for a time, my life and soul. But, there were times that I felt I had ‘settled’, that I had married because that was the done thing, that if I didn’t then I’d never get married. Now, I KNOW I haven’t settled. I’m out of that and the possibilities are open again. I don’t HAVE to marry, or put up with anything I do not like. If I never marry again I’m ok with that because life is too short to just settle. 

8. I still get to find ‘the one’

Yes to this. Maybe I did, maybe he was the one and 14 years was my lot. If that’s the case then awesome – I had 14 years with my soul mate. Some people search their entire life for that, and never find it. I’m hoping that’s not the case and there is someone out there who will be my last love, because, quite frankly, the idea of dribbling into my soup alone and wiping my own backside when I’m old and grey really doesn’t appeal. I get the fun of spending time with guys and wondering if I’ll feel those butterflies again, whether they will make my stomach flip and whether they are ‘the one’ – an excitement that we only think we can have when we are young. 

And to add my own:

9. I’m wiser

My life experience has made me wiser. I know what I am worthy of. I know the signs of a cheat, a victim, and how easy it is to become conditioned to think a certain way. I know I am worthy of love, that I can be worshipped, not just worship. That means that to get me to give up my singledom you’ll have to be absolutely freaking awesome because I no longer NEED anyone else. 

Here’s to love – of oneself and others – when you have it, grasp it’s buttocks and enjoy. When you don’t, remember, you do – love your goddamn self – look in that mirror and realise how freaking awesome that person reflected back is. 

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