‘Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.’
Before parenthood you plan your future through rose tinted glasses. You vow that you will never be as uptight as your parents were and quip that if you ever turn out like them then someone should shoot you. You get that first positive pregnancy test and expect to see all the pretty forest animals outside your window waiting for some over the top pregnancy announcement that can be shared on social media.
After that positive test life changes instantly. I’ve suffered many losses in my journey to being Mummy. I never even thought it possible. My mum had four children with no issues, I just assumed I would do the same. Unfortunately I didn’t, but that’s a whole other post. When we finally got to that magic 12 weeks with our son life really did change. You spend your days trying to keep your breakfast down whilst trying to carry on as normal as possible. As the bump grows you lose who you are completely.
People, strangers, suddenly claim ownership of your bump. They touch and coo, tell you off for bending, want to know when baby is due, what is it etc. They no longer look at your face, instead they instantly look at the bump and talk to it rather than to you. As soon as that bump appears you are ‘Mummy’. You have officially changed your name without even realising it. That’s it, game over. You no longer answer to your birth name, you no longer even truly remember it!
Four children down the line and my name has evolved. I used to be Mummy, now I answer to Mummy, Muuuuuuuuuuuum, Muuuuuummmmmmmyyyyyyyy, M.U.M and I HATE YOU! I no longer make plans for one person, I make plans for five. If the shopping needs doing it takes as much organising as a school trip. Going out for lunch is now feeding time at the zoo and bedtime cannot come quick enough! You lose your identity.
But it is so worth it. When you sit in those school assemblies watching your child get an award for their kindness, sporting success or maths work, you realise YOU did that. You are responsible for that little human being beaming at you, that little human being who can hit that ear piercing note that makes your ears bleed. Their love for you is unconditional. Everything they do is for your approval. They mean every hug and every ‘love you’ that they say. It is truly awesome to think that you don’t have to change who you are for that kind of love. You don’t have to earn it, it is given without judgment.
Embrace that love. Even with a life long partner you will never get that love from someone without question. When you hear that ear splitting Muuuuuuuummmmmmyyyyyyy from upstairs, remember, some people will always be known by their birth name. Some people will never lose their identity and be grateful that you have. You’ll get it back one day. Until then just call me Mummy.