‘Living well is the best revenge’
Have you ever sat with your partner and jokingly chatted about what would happen if you split up? Have you ever heard stories about people doing crazy things after a break up and thought ‘have some dignity, I would NEVER do that!’
I’m here to tell you that you will. You’ll wear your crazy like a badge of honour and I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly OK. Human beings are ultimately animalistic in instinct. We react as such, but it takes time for the ‘humanity’ to kick in and talk reason to your animal side. Whilst that takes its time you do crazy things. For those on the receiving end of crazy, you need to take a step back and accept the responsibility of your actions. This is the reality, this is what happens when trust is destroyed and you crush another person’s world.
I went crazy. I cut up clothes, guitar strings, wanted to know where he was, aired my business in public etc. In my head I justified it because when we had our jokey conversations in the past I had told him I’d be a bitch for the first six months and then I’d be fine. Luckily for him the crazy only lasted a week. I still want him to hurt like I do, but I no longer want to be the one that causes that hurt because my humanity has kicked in and I cannot lower myself to his level anymore.
Instead, I look at our children and realise they need two positive, happy parents. I’ve lost a lot in these few months but those four beautiful faces are mine forever and I could not be prouder. For that I thank him, because without him I would not have them – that alone has been worth all the crazy. These kids are so resilient, but seeing Mummy going crazy and crying is not what they need.
As someone who has been there – embrace the crazy safely. By holding it in you can hurt yourself even more. Do what you need to do to get through those early days. It will pass, you will calm down and you will get stronger. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should and should not do – they do not know, no one knows the agony until they are living it. No one can say how they will react until their world has been destroyed. Down the line, I no longer care where he is or who he is with. All I care about is making sure he plays his part as Daddy and puts these four awesome little people first, second,third…….you get the picture.
So as of today, I’m putting my crazy badge away. I’ve done what I needed to do, I’ve done what I thought I never would do and come out of it without being sectioned. From today I’m going to slap on the war paint because happy is the new black.